I've been feeling incredibly antisocial lately. I'm not sure if it's a reaction to being very alone for the last two weeks, or if it's just one of my phases. Or if it's a reaction from too many people?
I did spend a lot of time with people over the holidays. But really, I don't consider my family as "people" exactly.
I do go through phases like this, though, where I don't feel like returning emails or phone calls or hanging out with people. Usually I do it anyway, but this week, this day, I'm fed up.
I realized I've been going through the motions anyway, for awhile. I spent time with a guy I've been on a few dates with, and rushed through that and showed absolutely no interest in him while we were hanging out (which I totally didn't mean to do) and did similar with an old friend of mine whom I hung out with on my birthday. It's like, I hung out with them because of obligation, not because I wanted to. Same with dinner with my friend on Sunday. Same with my writing group. Obligation.
I'd much rather be alone.
It's bad at work this week, with people coming back. I just want them to all go away and leave me alone.
I even rejoined my online computer game, thinking that hanging out with people in cyber space would be different. But again, it's just felt like obligation. Nothing has changed, they are still all the same old childish, clique-ish people they've always been. Same old jokes, same old banter, same old topics of conversation.
I don't even really want to talk with my "best friend" online this week. I avoided the chat program all day yesterday. It was nice. Today, well...today I reached out, and find myself annoyed and impatient.
It could just be my mood, which is angry and short tempered. It could just be that because since I got home from vacation it's just been me and a couple interactions at work, and the spider living on my bathroom wall (who is now deceased, sadly) that that's why I am feeling the way I am.
Or maybe I really am just a loner by nature.
I enjoy human contact. Sometimes. But I'm content to be alone, in my own worlds. Books, movies, tv shows, videogames, my own stories and made up characters (imaginary friends?) keep me company.
Real people are so interesting, but right now I'd rather just not deal with them.

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